Once you have asked the question, pause and listen, really listen to the answer.
The Strategic Question: If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
During a conversation or meeting, we sometimes agree to something out of guilt, or something we are not totally clear on, or maybe we are caught half listening, half doing something else, and volunteer without all the details.
This question brings the volunteer, the yes, into the light. It forces a more important question. By agreeing to this, what can I no longer do. Follow up questions to this could be “what could being fully committed to this idea look like?,” which provides a clearer focus.
The actual No provides context – it gives parameters. It determines the options eliminated by saying yes. If saying Yes to this appointment, then saying No to something else at the same time of the appointment. It also tells you what you need for the Yes to happen. It shines the light on where to focus, and the energy/resources needed to say Yes.
We can rely on this previous post to help navigate the conversation, relying on the 3Ps, taken from The Coaching Habit:
Projects:
- What projects do you need to abandon or postpone?
- What meetings will you no longer attend?
- What resources do you need to divert to the Yes?
People:
- What expectations do you need to manage?
- From what Drama Triangle dynamics do you extract yourself?
- What relationships will you let wither?
Patterns:
- What habits do you need to break?
- What old stories or dated ambitions do you need to update?
- What beliefs about yourself do you need to let go of?
To put this into a real life example:
When this happens…write out the moment, the person and perhaps the feelings that are your trigger.
- You have a knowledge worker that you are working with who has been struggling with creating content, but they are your “Yes” person, they volunteer to do everything.
Instead of…write out the old habit you want to stop doing.
- Believing the person has the capacity to do it all.
I will…describe your new habit.
- Stop the “Yes” pattern “What do you need to say No to, to make this Yes happen?”
Enjoying these posts? Check out these two videos: Rapid-fire Strategic Thinking and Planning and Doing, and How to say No.
